Dear Annie: Why am I such a jerk magnet? Every man I date cheats on me.

jhon

To Annie, please:

In multiple relationships, I have experienced infidelity. Since I didn’t have many romantic experiences in high school, I made the decision to start dating when I started college. However, my ex was a flirt, and my first relationship was completely toxic. Eventually, I ended our relationship.

Even worse was my most recent relationship. After our argument, he abandoned me. Then, as an adult, he made the decision to date a family friend who was a juvenile. I’m afraid that all I draw are trashy males. I’m concerned about whether I’m doing enough or too much to attract excellent guys.

I recently worked up the nerve to approach a crush of mine. After my last relationship, he was the first guy I fell completely in love with, but I’m afraid he’ll be like the others. What ought I to do? Or what is it about me that keeps drawing these trashy, duplicitous men? Thank you. Do I Attract Jerks?

To Jerk Magnet,

The bad treatment you’ve had from previous partners is definitely not your fault. Choosing what you will and won’t stand for in your future relationship and maintaining your boundaries once you’ve established them are things you can manage. As you said, infidelity and ghosting are both painful and completely unacceptable. Run—don’t walk—away from a potential love partner if you notice these warning signs. You are so deserving of better treatment than that.

Try not to transfer these anxieties and hurts from your past onto your new crush. Establish a solid basis for a possible relationship by taking your time and enjoying getting to know one another.

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How Can My Cheating Partner Be Forgiven? is Annie Lane’s second anthology. Available in paperback and e-book formats, it includes popular essays about marriage, adultery, communication, and reconciliation. For additional information, go to http://www.creatorspublishing.com. For Annie Lane, send inquiries to [email protected].

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