Dear Annie: Help me stop nosey questions about my marital status

To Annie, please:

Why haven’t you gotten married? is a question I am so sick of hearing, and I would appreciate it if you would think about helping me come up with a response.

I’m a 65-year-old woman without children who has achieved a lot in her life. I have volunteered and made contributions to society. I’m self-sufficient, independent, and have never been arrested. I’ve had successful jobs in both fields and hold two master’s degrees: an MBA and an MFA. In addition to being a nationally recognized educator, I am an exceptional triathlete and biker. Despite all I’ve done in my life, people often ask me if I’m married, and I’m tired of being treated like a weirdo when they ask me this.

“What is wrong with you that you never married?” is an insensitive way to ask the issue. What do you suppose it to be? Or they say, “I hope you understand, I’m only doing this for your well-being,” implying that being single is some kind of issue they need to fix, while I tell them I’m happy with being alone and alone. The following comment, notwithstanding that reaction, is, “I’m so sorry you have to go it alone.” In response, I say that I’m okay working alone. I’ve done that my entire life, and I don’t think it’s odd.

I am not married for a variety of reasons, such as being struck by a car and discovering that my formerly well-behaved fiancé mistreated me when I was ill and unattractive. Unexpectedly, the next man I was seeing seriously passed away from a stroke. I’ve had plenty of chances to get married, and as I grew older, I came to appreciate my independence even more. I never met a man worth sacrificing that for.

Nobody cares why I’m not married, especially those I’ve recently met, and I’ve reached a point in my life where I won’t defend my decision. Nearly every neighbor in the retirement community where I’ve moved is married. Their persistent inquiries and attempts to pair me up with men or women (I am not gay) without my permission show how much they value my single status. I find it rude that they keep focusing on this one area of my life, and I’m going to lose my patience with the next person who asks me if I’m single and then responds rudely.

Can you give me a one-phrase answer that will conclude that question and change the topic of the conversation? I will definitely be grateful for any suggestions you may have. Self-reliant and annoyed

Dear Irritated and Independent: Regardless of your love state, you should be quite pleased of the rich and full life you have created for yourself. Try politely but firmly responding with something like, “I’ve been lucky to create a life I love and which just so happens not to include a significant other,” the next time someone asks you why you’re single. I’m hoping we can talk about more fascinating subjects. This gently ends additional discussion and highlights the most crucial point, which is that you are content. You don’t need to defend that.

How Can My Cheating Partner Be Forgiven? is Annie Lane’s second anthology. Available in paperback and e-book formats, it includes popular essays about marriage, adultery, communication, and reconciliation. For additional information, go to http://www.creatorspublishing.com. For Annie Lane, send inquiries to [email protected].

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