Dear Abby: Our friendship was left behind as colleague advanced in company

Greetings, Abby

One of my coworkers and I had a strong bond. We used to share a lot of private and intimate stories over lunch. I began six months before him, but we were the two new employees.

Although he has adjusted to the workplace successfully, I continue to struggle with varied personalities and communication styles. He’s more well-established at work than I am, therefore he’s joined close management circles. I believe his ultimate goal is to make as much progress as possible in his career.

His priorities shifted, and our friendship was neglected, so I feel like I was left behind. I’ve come to the conclusion that coworkers shouldn’t be pals. Why do I miss this coworker, whom I considered a friend, and feel such a loss? In California, it was discarded.

DEAR DISCARDED:

Sharing personal information about ourselves with someone requires a certain amount of trust. It is obviously painful if that person backs off and goes in a different route. Your coworker provided you with emotional support, but suddenly it’s gone. If you didn’t grieve the loss, you wouldn’t be human.

Positively, you have gained knowledge from this event. Relationships at work are simply that, and expecting more from them is foolish. You had an idea of what your relationship with this someone would be like; he has different goals, and he is pursuing them. That’s life.

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Abigail Van Buren, better known as Jeanne Phillips, is the author of Dear Abby. Her mother, Pauline Phillips, began the company. Get in touch with Dear Abby via P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069, or at www.DearAbby.com.

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