Dear Annie: 14-year relationship. No proposal yet.

To Annie, please:

The man I’ve been dating for 14 years has never asked me to marry him. In the beginning, it didn’t really concern me because I had recently finished a 13-year marriage and we were both divorced with children. However, his nebulous assurances of a certain day have become stale with time. He has been living with me for eleven years, helps out around the house, and occasionally pays his expenses. Due to his job changes, I have been responsible for a large portion of the financial load, which includes paying for our families’ vacations.

Although he claims that legal concerns keep him from selling, there hasn’t been much attempt to find a solution. He owns the home where his ex-wife and her husband reside. He prioritizes helping friends and family, frequently for free, on the weekends rather than hanging out with them. He brushes off my dissatisfaction and even places the responsibility on me when I voice it. For instance, he went golfing on my birthday, which coincided with his golf night, and one of his friends made a joke about him requiring permission.

I feel bad for even considering leaving him because I’ve supported him through difficult times, such as his prostate cancer treatment. However, I’m sick of feeling unimportant, alone, and abandoned. I go out with friends, but I wish I had a partner that truly cares about me and wants to spend time with me. As I see him invest his time and energy in people who hardly ever reciprocate, I’m left fighting for the remnants of his time and effort.

After all these years, are I being unreasonable in wanting more? Feeling Weary and Alone

Dear Tired and Lonely:

First, consider this: Would you feel less alone if he spent more time with you and less time playing golf with his friends? Or is there a deeper problem, like not feeling prioritized and appreciated in the relationship?

You seem to be putting a lot of effort into it. While he spends his time engaging in activities with friends, you are bearing a great burden of caring for him, his children, and your own. It’s quite normal to want a spouse who puts as much work into the relationship as you do, so of course you’re not wrong for wanting more.

Whether he can provide you more is the more important question. Everyone has restrictions, and it’s possible that his are too great for you to be happy with him right now. In any case, it’s critical to continue expressing your emotions. Think about asking him to go to a marriage counselor with you.

How Can My Partner Who Cheated Be Forgiven? is currently available! Both print and e-book versions of Annie Lane’s second anthology, which includes her favorite pieces on marriage, adultery, communication, and reconciliation, are available. For additional information, go to http://www.creatorspublishing.com. For Annie Lane, send inquiries to [email protected].

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