Dear Annie: My husband said he’s never loved me after 14 years

To Annie, please:

I’ve been married to my hubby for fourteen years. We both brought three children into our blended family after we were married, and he is nine years younger than I am. After my mother suffered a stroke, I took on the role of principal caretaker for the previous two years. I had already devoted a large portion of my time to taking care of my aging parents.

In addition to keeping active at work, my husband has always had his own interests. He has consistently expressed his understanding and support for me spending so much time with my parents, particularly now that our youngest child is nearly 17. I believed that we were on firm ground and that we had an understanding.

But he recently told me something that broke my heart: He claimed that he had never loved me. I was devastated to hear such remarks.

He has also been contacting another woman several times a day, sitting with her at ball games, and spending time with her in ways that feel extremely personal, I’ve found out. He denied that this was the cause of his divorce request when I questioned him, saying he had done nothing wrong. Additionally, he doesn’t want to work on our marriage and doesn’t really seem interested in talking about it.

Even though I’m sick of the deception and betrayal, I still adore him. I’m not sure how to make those feelings go away or what to do next. What can I do to get past this? Do I keep fighting for our marriage, even though he has checked out? Or is it time to let go, even though I don t feel ready to give up on him?

I feel so disoriented and perplexed. Any guidance or wisdom would be much valued. Disoriented and Perplexed

To the Confused and Lost:

This is an incredibly difficult situation, and I m so sorry that your husband has put you through it. Of course you feel hurt and betrayed. From what you ve shared, you sound like an amazing daughter and wife, and you absolutely do not deserve this kind of treatment.

That said, it s clear that your husband has made his choice. If he is unwilling to work on the marriage, as painful as it is, you may need to grant him the divorce and focus on yourself. Remember, the best way to move forward is to live well.

Take care of yourself physically, emotionally and mentally. Surround yourself with friends and family who love and support you, and give yourself time and space to heal. It will hurt now, but in the long run, you ll likely find peace and happiness outside of a relationship with someone who has shown themselves to be selfish and uncaring.

You are stronger than you know, and brighter days are ahead.

How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner? is out now! Annie Lane s second anthology featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation is available as a paperback and e-book. Visithttp://www.creatorspublishing.comfor more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane [email protected].

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