Dear Annie: My wife’s ex boyfriend told everyone she was a slut; Now she chats with him in the middle of the night.

To Annie, please:

My 19-year-old wife continues to stay in touch with her high school ex-boyfriend.

They dated throughout high school, and when they split up, he slandered her by telling all of her classmates about her and then sending her a lengthy letter accusing her of being a slut.

After several years, when we had recently tied the knot, they reconnected by some odd coincidence. He doesn’t respect me or our marriage, so I informed her that I didn’t enjoy it when she spoke to him. He would phone her at two or three in the morning to chat, and he would even beg her to join him on vacation.

I recently learned that she invited him to join her and some of my friends at a music festival. She did it even though she knew I wouldn’t approve, which infuriated me. I told her again that she isn’t honoring my requests and that he doesn’t respect me. She dismissed it as unimportant. What ought I to do? Angry With My Wife

To Frustrated,

I don’t blame you for being frustrated, though! Your wife should have discussed certain ground rules with you if she wanted to maintain her friendship with her ex. It is disrespectful to you and the marriage you have created with her to talk to him in the middle of the night or behind your back.

Be calm and tell her what you think, along with some specific demands that will help you feel more at ease in the relationship. You could want to be present when she speaks to him on the phone, or you might want to be included when they see each other. Or perhaps you should let her know that she shouldn’t be chatting to him at this hour. You really have to tolerate that?

She is jeopardizing your marriage if she is unwilling to make concessions on her relationship with her ex.

How Can My Partner Who Cheated Be Forgiven? is currently available! Both print and e-book versions of Annie Lane’s second anthology, which includes her favorite pieces on marriage, adultery, communication, and reconciliation, are available. For additional information, go to http://www.creatorspublishing.com. For Annie Lane, send inquiries to [email protected].

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