Dear Abby: Husband’s cruel jokes just aren’t funny

Greetings, Abby

I’ve been married to my hubby for a long time. Though rough, our relationship is steady. I am currently attempting to control my depression, which I have had since I was a young child. My spouse has his own problems. One of them is that he frequently mentions something about my parents that he finds funny. He makes fun of my parents and the modest house I grew up in, for instance. This is painful.

I don’t like it when my husband minimizes Dad by bringing up his peculiarities. He yells at me and tells me that he’s not trying to hurt me and that I shouldn’t take it that way when I tell him I don’t appreciate it. He then leaves to pout and refuses to talk to me for the remainder of the day.

His actions are becoming stale. It destroys our relationship. What happens if you tell someone that something they say hurts, but they deny it? I don’t always find things funny that he does. Any suggestions? IN OHIO, NO JOKE

DEAR NO JOKE:

There is no doubt that your husband has a nasty streak. He makes statements that he knows will cause you pain, accuses you of causing it, and then uses that as justification to punish you. This type of behavior is known as passive-aggressive behavior.

You will need to learn to ignore his remarks if you intend to remain married to this sad individual. He will probably start making humorous comments more frequently if you do that. When that occurs, keep ignoring him, ask a few friends to join you for lunch somewhere else, or go on an errand. See a certified marital and family therapist or speak with an attorney about how to free yourself if it gets to the point where it’s unbearable.

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Abigail Van Buren, better known as Jeanne Phillips, is the author of Dear Abby. Her mother, Pauline Phillips, began the company. For more information, visit www.DearAbby.com or send an email to P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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