Dear Abby: I love my fiancé, but I’m anxious about living with his pack-rat parents

Greetings, Abby

For over a year, I have been in a relationship with the most amazing man I have ever encountered, and we intend to tie the knot. Our shared desire for a multigenerational home is one of the factors that has brought us together. For the past two years and for the foreseeable future, my boyfriend’s parents, who are in their seventies, have been living with him.

I’m getting more nervous about the practicalities of living with his parents as our wedding draws near. They are borderline hoarders, but I prefer to have few things. My partner acknowledges that I’m nervous about it and is open to discussing it, but he also acts as like he and his family are a package. Even though I adore him, I don’t think I could put up with a messy home for twenty years. What ought I to do? AFFECTED BY CLUTTER

DEAR CONCERNED:

Although I appreciate that your boyfriend is open to discussing it, what concrete steps is he willing to take to address it? Your lifestyle differs greatly from that of his parents. Having all of their belongings nearby gives them the greatest sense of security. They are unlikely to alter given their age.

To examine if this may be mediated, a truth session would be held at a qualified family counselor’s office. But to be honest, you might be better off finding someone to marry besides the three of them because they are a package deal, just like all multigenerational households are.

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Abigail Van Buren, better known as Jeanne Phillips, is the author of Dear Abby. Her mother, Pauline Phillips, began the company. For more information, visit www.DearAbby.com or send an email to P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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