Dear Abby: I thought pregnancy would bring us closer, but I feel sad and alone

Greetings, Abby

I’ve just been married for a little over a year, and I’m expecting my first child. We were ecstatic to have our baby planned.

After I reached the second trimester, my husband and I had a change in dynamics. He immediately shuts me down if I try to share anything I read with him about pregnancy, telling me that I’m wasting my time or that I shouldn’t believe everything I read. Additionally, he has no desire to set up anything in the nursery. He insists that we wait until a month before the baby is due to do it.

Although I’m making an effort to be kind and patient, people have recently distanced themselves from me, and I feel really alone. My spouse made fun of me during a get-together with friends the other night. My husband agreed with one of them when he remarked that being pregnant was the most self-centered thing a woman could do. The comment still hurts me. My spouse hasn’t apologized, even though the individual who said it apologized and went on to clarify their stance on the matter (everyone had been drinking, except me). He says I’m stupid for being so upset over it and declines. I don’t know what to do. I believed that having this baby would strengthen our bond. I feel so depressed and alone right now. Why would my husband agree rather than support me, and why would anyone say something so hurtful? AIMING HIGHER IN THE NEW JERSEY

DEAR EXPECTING:

Your emotions may be elevated throughout pregnancy, which is an exciting and difficult time for everyone involved. It’s probable that during this second trimester, your husband realized the realities of motherhood, even though he was initially excited about the prospect of beginning a family straight immediately. It’s also conceivable that your pals have retreated because you are so excited about your pregnancy that it has taken over your conversations.

The comment that was made the night you two were with friends was probably the result of poor judgment and too much drink. It’s possible that your husband agreed because he is envious of the baby’s co-optation of your body. I don’t know him, therefore I can’t speculate as to why he still won’t say sorry.

I think you would feel less alone if you had an older, more seasoned female friend or family member to help you get through this trying time. Additionally, attend your doctor’s appointments on time to ensure that everything is going as it should.

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Abigail Van Buren, better known as Jeanne Phillips, is the author of Dear Abby. Her mother, Pauline Phillips, began the company. For more information, visit www.DearAbby.com or send an email to P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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