Dear Abby: I want more than just hotel hookups with my ex-fiance

Greetings, Abby

I spent thirteen years with my ex-fiance. I ended up meeting him at a hotel shortly after he ended our relationship. At least once a week, we have been meeting up frequently. Like we’re dating, we go out and have a great time together.

He doesn’t want to tell me where he lives, which is frustrating. He claims that having his own area is comforting. A year and a half has passed since our split. Every time I inquire about our circumstances, he claims he is unsure of his desires.

He loves and cares for me, as seen by everything he does for me. He doesn’t say whether he ever wants to get back together, so it feels like we are in this strange limbo and he’s just playing me. “Why can’t you just enjoy what we’re doing?” he asks. I want to have a better relationship with him than we did before.

I didn’t treat him nicely while we were in a horrible spot. I took it out on him since I was going through a difficult time. I have worked on myself to become a happy and healthier person and have organized my life throughout our time apart and no longer as a pair. I hope for more because I adore him so much. Any suggestions? CALIFORNIA SITUATIONSHIP

DEAR SITUATIONSHIP:

When a person is secretive, they usually have something to hide. Because your not-quite-ex refuses to give you his address (after a year and a half!), it s likely he has someone living there with him. You showed that you might be abusive under pressure before your engagement ended. It makes sense that he doesn’t want to run the danger of experiencing that again.

According to what you’ve written, he’s OK with things as they are. He has no desire for more. You will need to locate someone who can provide you with the future you desire because you do.

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Abigail Van Buren, better known as Jeanne Phillips, is the author of Dear Abby. Her mother, Pauline Phillips, began the company. For more information, visit www.DearAbby.com or send an email to P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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