Dear Abby: I’m anxious about my spouse’s refusal to declutter

Greetings, Abby

After 61 years of marriage, my wife and I are in our 80s. We have few health problems and are financially secure. We have prepared the legal documentation required to divide our assets as we draw closer to leaving this world. What is the issue, then? My husband collects things. We have gorgeous linens, sterling silver, and a number of lovely china sets. We once arranged a lovely table.

Old age has caught up with us today. The majority of those invitees have left. However, I’m getting annoyed since my spouse and I are living the same way we did fifty years ago. No one wants our belongings! It’s time for us to get go of things that we might not need and that someone else might find useful. My husband won’t give up anything. An excuse to keep the mess is always available.

Decades ago, I seen this in my parents. It didn’t leave again if it entered by the front door. What can I do to reduce my anxiety and why do people have such a strong addiction to things? In San Francisco, I’m ready to let go.

DEAR READY:

Think about this: Every piece of crystal and china, every design of cutlery, and every accessory that people once believed were essential to furnishing a lovely home (and life) have sentimental meanings associated with them. Your wife sees the joyful years spent collecting and entertaining, where you see clutter.

Since these things are no longer in use, they might be stored in a box in case they are needed in the future. Talk to your wife about potentially donating them to a charity thrift store and take a picture of them so you have a record of what they are. Even while you’re right that today’s youth aren’t as interested in formal entertainment as your age was, there are still some people who like it and might want to partake.

Talk to your doctor about your anxiety and, if required, request a referral to a therapist for some counseling.

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Abigail Van Buren, better known as Jeanne Phillips, is the author of Dear Abby. Her mother, Pauline Phillips, began the company. For more information, visit www.DearAbby.com or send an email to P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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