Dear Abby: I’m miffed because grandparents can’t squeeze in time with our daughter

Greetings, Abby

My spouse and I have a lovely girl who will be two years old soon. My dad and his family were excitedly anticipating her arrival and talking about their plans for life as new grandparents before she was born. We simply knew that their involvement would be so intense that it would drive us insane. It’s the exact opposite! My 5-year-old half-brother, who was just diagnosed with autism, is looked after by my parents, who work more than forty hours a week.

I have to give them some leeway, of course. However, his folks are not workaholics. Their activities include joining a quilting club, taking scuba diving courses, and spending a few weeks at the lake. After telling us how much fun they had, they inquire about our daughter’s wellbeing. (It had been weeks since they last saw her.)

I am aware that a grandparent’s role has evolved. Raising children is giving them a taste of freedom. But in my opinion, these are not free child care. Since they are my family, I wanted to see all of their prenatal dreams for her come to fruition.

My parents recently announced that they would not be able to take time off work to attend her birthday celebration, which is why I am writing this. They were aware of its imminence, and I am certain that they could have arranged a workaround for the celebration. I’m devastated. Without assistance from family, I feel like we are raising our daughter alone. I’m upset that they are losing out on this amazing young kid and value other things over their grandson. Am I expecting too much from them? Is it incorrect for me to be annoyed by this? IN ILLINOIS ALONE

Greetings, alone:

Emotions are neither good nor bad. I won’t criticize you for possessing them. But consider whether your relationship with your parents and in-laws is improved or worsened by your wrath. Your parents work full-time jobs and are also taking care of a disabled child. It’s a waste of energy to be upset with them for missing a two-year-old’s birthday celebration. Regardless of what they claimed when you were pregnant, your in-laws seem more focused on themselves than their grandson. Unforgiveable? Indeed. Accept it for what it is, though, and move forward rather than lingering over it.

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Abigail Van Buren, better known as Jeanne Phillips, is the author of Dear Abby. Her mother, Pauline Phillips, began the company. Get in touch with Dear Abby via P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069, or at www.DearAbby.com.

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