Greetings, Abby
For fifteen years, I have taken care of my aging mother at home. Four of my brothers reside outside of the state. Seeing Mom age and the challenges that accompany it is emotionally taxing for me more and more. My brothers don’t often visit or call. Mom needs contact, therefore I keep telling them to call her frequently, but they consistently let us down. They only come here once or twice a year, and we’re five hours away. I’ll be retiring early in three months so that I may return to their state and be nearer to them, allowing Mom to spend more time with them and her numerous grandchildren and great-grandchildren. How do I get over my anger at them for not taking the initiative? I expected others to perform better, but I love Mom and have made many sacrifices for her pleasure. In Missouri, a disappointed brother
BROTHER, DEAR:
I can appreciate your disappointment, but have you thought about how your brothers might be unable to be as involved in their mother’s life as you have been because of other obligations, such as wives, families, and jobs? Reduce your rage. They may be able to spend more time with her as a result of your action, together with their wives and kids. To make sure that your wishes will be fulfilled, you should have a thorough conversation about this with your siblings before moving.
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Abigail Van Buren, better known as Jeanne Phillips, is the author of Dear Abby. Her mother, Pauline Phillips, began the company. For more information, visit www.DearAbby.com or send an email to P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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