Dear Abby: My husband went behind my back to send holiday cards to wedding no-shows

Greetings, Abby

We were greatly disappointed by the absence of some members of my husband’s family from our daughter’s wedding. Near the date of our event, they had a number of job and other family commitments. Six months earlier, save-the-date cards had been distributed, but it seems that we were not as high on their priority list. I told my spouse that since I no longer feel good about these family members, I wanted to skip sending holiday cards this year.

He then purchased cards, wrote a letter with pictures, had us both sign it, and sent it to the majority of his family as well as several of our shared friends while I was away on business. A month later, a buddy thanked me for the card and photos, which was how I first learned about it. My spouse apologized after we spoke about it, but I’m still startled and disappointed. What are your thoughts? MIFFED STILL

DEAR STILL MIFFED: It seems that your spouse didn’t share your sentiments, even though you didn’t want to send holiday cards to the relatives who weren’t present at your daughter’s wedding. He had the right to act as he did. A wedding invitation is not a command performance, so repeat this for me. Let it go now.

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Abigail Van Buren, better known as Jeanne Phillips, is the author of Dear Abby. Her mother, Pauline Phillips, began the company. For more information, visit www.DearAbby.com or send an email to P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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