Dear Abby: My mom and I constantly clash, making holidays a disaster for me, even at age 66

Greetings, Abby

My relationship with my mother is really challenging. Despite the fact that I am sixty-six, she wants to treat me like a child. Since she and her husband are in their mid-80s, my husband and I take care of a lot of their needs. We no longer want to celebrate any holidays with them because Thanksgiving was a complete bust. She asks everyone why I’m upset with her, except myself. She became defensive and labeled it hateful when I attempted to convey to her in a letter how her actions effect me. Confrontations bother me. Like a deer in headlights, I’m at a loss for words to say to her. Without making her feel as though we despise her, how can I tell her that we will now be spending our holidays alone? SINGLE IN THE SOUTH

Greetings, alone:

I don’t understand why you should inform your mother that you won’t be spending any more holidays with her and her spouse. Tell her you have other arrangements and won’t be accessible if she asks. Tell her that it has been too stressful for the reasons listed in your letter if she accuses you of hating her or being angry with her.

If your mother is complaining to the other family members, which she most likely will be, explain why you are missing the stressful holidays and let them know they can explain it to her because she ignores you every time you try.

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Abigail Van Buren, better known as Jeanne Phillips, is the author of Dear Abby. Her mother, Pauline Phillips, began the company. For more information, visit www.DearAbby.com or send an email to P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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