Dear Abby: My parents created a monster and expect me to fix her

Greetings, Abby

Leia, my 16-year-old daughter, is my child. Since she was ten years old, she has lived with my parents because that was what she and my parents desired at the time. Because I was experiencing health problems, I let it happen even though I didn’t want her to. Because my parents lavished her with attention and still do, Leia decided to stay there. Because of this, she has turned into the most egotistical, demanding, and rude person my parents and I have ever encountered, and they now want her to live with me.

I foresaw (only for myself) that their parenting would cause her to develop in this manner. My parents produced an entitled adolescent, and now they want me to bear the repercussions of their actions. They use their health issues as an excuse to make me feel bad and want her to go. She shouldn’t come here, in my opinion. I don’t want to try to stop her from fleeing and cope with her attitude. She doesn’t like my policies, but I also don’t want to lose my kid permanently because they kicked her out. What guidance would you offer? A MONSTER’S MOM

Greetings, Mom:

Due of your health problems, your parents took in your daughter. By letting your daughter live with them and remaining silent, you allowed their bad parenting to continue. In the end, you are in charge of Leia until she becomes 18, and maybe even beyond. Leia must now be informed by your parents that she will be residing with you due to their sick health. This is not her decision to make as a minor. (In the first place, it shouldn’t have been.) Explain YOUR house rules and their rationale when she and her belongings arrive. Point out that if she makes threats to go, she might end up as a state ward and that being in foster care might not be as enjoyable as being with her mother, who loves her but disapproves of the person Leia has become while living with the grandchildren.

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Abigail Van Buren, better known as Jeanne Phillips, is the author of Dear Abby. Her mother, Pauline Phillips, began the company. For more information, visit www.DearAbby.com or send an email to P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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