Greetings, Abby
I recently turned 29. After six years of dating, my partner, Jeremy, and I have discussed getting engaged. He established a deadline for when he would pop the question early in our relationship—either five years into our relationship or when he becomes thirty. I thought he would pop the question after both of those marks occurred last year, but he didn’t. The fact that people keep asking me, “Why not?” makes me feel ashamed. Other than the fact that Jeremy is simply not ready, I have no response. We are both saving and living well within our means, so I don’t want anything pricey, but he informed me he wants to pay off some bills before purchasing a ring. Jeremy is concentrating on his hobbies and physical training. I feel like we’re stuck in the post-college lifestyle, even though I’m ready to buy a house, get married, and possibly even start a kid.
I’ve mentioned everything above to Jeremy multiple times, but it looks like he doesn’t care. If not, he assures me that the commitment is already there and that he will reach a point at which he feels prepared. Additionally, he informed me that he would only ever pop the question if I asked him to, as it holds no significance or happiness for him.
Because I feel this way, I’m perplexed and concerned that something is wrong with me. My pals are all married. They are starting families and have purchased homes. I’m fed up with waiting for this train to arrive, and I’m angry that he hasn’t adhered to his schedule. Even if he does ask, I’m not sure if I should say yes at this point. Should I trust him to honor his word or should I flee? He has consistently been truthful with me. WAITING AND WAITING
Greetings, Waiting:
You have to make some crucial choices regarding your future when a man tells you that marriage has no purpose or joy for him and that he will pop the question when he feels ready, but five years later he is still not ready. It is not a given that your union will be joyful just because you are trying to force a marriage proposal out of him because all of your friends have gotten married and started children. Inform Jeremy that you seem to be in separate time zones, that you value marriage, and that he hasn’t fulfilled his commitment to you for the past five years. So that you won’t be writing about the same issue in five more years, move on.
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Abigail Van Buren, better known as Jeanne Phillips, is the author of Dear Abby. Her mother, Pauline Phillips, began the company. For more information, visit www.DearAbby.com or send an email to P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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