Dear Abby: Should I give up on keeping this long-distance friendship alive?

Greetings, Abby

After six years of marriage, my spouse and I relocated 3,000 miles away from everyone I knew fifteen years ago. I tried to make the most of it even though I didn’t like the move and never felt comfortable in the new place. Due to the crisis and our substantial mortgage, we had financial difficulties the entire time. Despite meeting several pleasant people, I only really made one friend, Gayle.

I persuaded my husband three years ago that we ought to relocate in order to retire and have greater financial stability. It is still far from my former hometown, but we made a compromise. I’ve made a concerted effort to maintain contact with Gayle. She usually just responds with a few phrases and frequently laments her own situation when I reach out to her. She never makes an effort to continue the chat, never contacts me, and never inquires about me.

I’ve seen firsthand that Gayle is unhappy, and I’m concerned that she may be drinking too much. It hurts to keep reaching out and receiving so little in return, but I’m sorry she doesn’t seem to want to stay in touch.

I’m worn out from trying, but I’m not sure if I should approach her or give up. Tell me, please. — Solitary and distant from home

Greetings, lonely

Relationships can be situational. If Gayle isn’t prepared to put in some effort, you can’t handle all the work involved in keeping up a long-distance friendship. You will only become more frustrated.You mentioned your hometown twice in your letter, but if you were to go back there, you might discover that your old acquaintances have gone on and that the time in your life that you want for is no longer possible. For this reason, it could be appropriate to focus on establishing new endeavors in your new neighborhood. New friendships and possibly new relationships will result from it. ** ** **

Abigail Van Buren, better known as Jeanne Phillips, is the author of Dear Abby. Her mother, Pauline Phillips, began the company. For more information, visit www.DearAbby.com or send an email to P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.** ** **What Every Teen Should Know covers topics such as AIDS, drugs, sex, and how to get along with parents and peers. Please send your name, postal address, and $8 (in US dollars) by check or money order to Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (The price includes shipping and handling.)

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