Dear Abby: Should I wait for my son’s father to work through his problems?

Greetings, Abby

Before our son was born, I dated Tony, the father of my son, for two years. Our relationship has been intermittent for the most part since we broke up seven years ago. We had been becoming closer again over the past year, and I asked him what he wanted. Tony stated that he is currently working on his anger management issues and does not want a romantic involvement with anyone. He has been dealing with these problems for years, and he was a combat Marine once.

I’ve expressed my desire for a relationship when he’s ready, but I’m perplexed by the conflicting signals he gives me. I inquired about establishing mutually acceptable boundaries, but Tony said he didn’t need any and that I should follow my own instincts. This gives me the impression that if the issue gets personal, I would be being taken advantage of.

Unless we are in a relationship, I have set the limit at no sex. Tony treats me like a buddy and occasionally wants to give me a hug or a kiss. We don’t desire the same relationship right now, thus I think I should move on. What advise would you give? IN OHIO, ON HOLD

DEAR ON HOLD:

I apologize for not bringing up Tony’s anger management problems. He does require expert assistance if they are severe enough to cause him to act out. You’ve been smart to put off having (more) sex with him without committing to anything, which he doesn’t want to do.

According to what you’ve written, your son’s father only wants to be friendly with you so that he can have a relationship with his son. Even while I respect that, I do not believe you should plan on dating him in the future because you might have to wait a lifetime.

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Abigail Van Buren, better known as Jeanne Phillips, is the author of Dear Abby. Her mother, Pauline Phillips, began the company. For more information, visit www.DearAbby.com or send an email to P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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