Dear Abby: We don’t want used, dusty, fur-covered ‘gifts’ from my hoarder sister

Greetings, Abby

Mary Ann, my sister, hoards. She turns down any offer of help, both material and emotional, to rid her house of the excessive quantity of clutter that is interfering with her life. She has finally begun to try to go through some of her things, which has our extended family ecstatic. Sadly, we are now the beneficiaries of birthday and Christmas presents, some of which are dusty, worn, opened, and covered in animal fur. These gifts are not necessary nor desired by us.

Unloading these things on us, in my opinion, makes Mary Ann feel more at ease and prevents her from making tough choices that would actually alter the way she thinks about getting rid of her clutter. Without undoing the work Mary Ann has made in trying to treat her problem, how can we gently (and firmly) tell her that we do not want to acquire her hoard, piece by piece? MISSOURI’S UNHAPPY RECIPIENT

Greetings, recipient:

Mary Ann will not be fixed by you. You should be happy that she is helping herself in small ways. I don’t think it would help to gently say that you don’t want to get her hoard piece by piece. Accept the products instead, then discreetly deliver them to someone who could use them or donate them.

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Abigail Van Buren, better known as Jeanne Phillips, is the author of Dear Abby. Her mother, Pauline Phillips, began the company. For more information, visit www.DearAbby.com or send an email to P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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