Dear Annie: All I want is to feel included by my grown children

To Annie, please:

One of my two grown children is expecting my first grandson, and both are married and doing well. Their father died ten years ago, and I am now a widow. We all reside in different cities, and I communicate with my son once a month and my daughter once a week.

My son normally spends Christmas with his wife’s family, leaving me alone, and my daughter usually takes a trip. I hired a condo for our meeting a few years ago, but nobody came up, so I decided not to do it again. They said that their in-laws kept them busy.

I’ve kept sending gifts for Christmas and birthdays, but until I follow up, I hardly ever receive a response. My daughter gives me the same card she sends to everyone every Christmas, but I never get anything in return.

They have a stable income, but I work part-time and rely on Social Security. Is it acceptable to send a kind card instead of gifts on Christmas and birthdays? Feeling Ignored

Greetings, Feeling Ignored:

It’s understandable that you feel ignored since, regrettably, that’s precisely what’s taking place. Yes, it’s totally acceptable to cease giving gifts, but the gifts themselves aren’t the problem. The absence of genuine connections and shared experiences with your children is the true cause for concern.

Have you thought about inquiring as to why you are excluded from their family get-togethers, such Christmas with your son’s in-laws? Instead of concentrating on ceasing to give gifts, take advantage of this chance to speak candidly and openly with your kids. Tell them that being a part of more family gatherings would mean a lot to you as their bereaved mother.

How Can My Cheating Partner Be Forgiven? is Annie Lane’s second anthology. Available in paperback and e-book formats, it includes popular essays about marriage, adultery, communication, and reconciliation. For additional information, go to http://www.creatorspublishing.com. For Annie Lane, send inquiries to [email protected].

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