Dear Annie: Can our marriage survive my mental illness?

To Annie, please:

I was initially diagnosed with bipolar disorder in the early 1990s, and I currently live with it. After my diagnosis, my husband and I started dating, and he has been my rock during the process of juggling multiple providers, raising my kids—not his—who also faced difficulties, and keeping me stable.

There have been difficult moments when I felt bad for him because of how much my disease has affected him. He didn’t sign up for this life, but he had to see me go through several diagnoses until we discovered the right one, hospital stays, and legal issues during intense psychotic episodes.

By taking my medicine as prescribed, consulting with my mental health team, and going to support groups, I try my best to manage my illness. However, earlier this year, I was admitted to the hospital again after suffering a stroke that exacerbated my symptoms. Our marriage was put to the ultimate test in all aspects—financially, emotionally, socially, and physically.

We might not have survived if it weren’t for networks of support like my doctors, drugs, and organizations like NAMI. I am aware that my spouse requires personal space and time. I try my best to show him how much I value his love and support because no one person can be everything to everyone.

While I continue to manage my condition, how can I make sure my spouse feels cared for and supported in our marriage? In face of these persistent difficulties, how can we maintain our relationship? Desiring to Take on More

To Wanting:

What you need to accomplish is already being done. One of the greatest ways to make someone feel valued, cared for, and seen is to show them how much you love and appreciate your husband, as your letter demonstrates.

I appreciate you sharing your experience; it’s quite moving and motivational. I hope it reminds those in similar circumstances that they can rely on their loved ones and that there is support and hope beyond difficult times.

How Can My Partner Who Cheated Be Forgiven? is currently available! Both print and e-book versions of Annie Lane’s second anthology, which includes her favorite pieces on marriage, adultery, communication, and reconciliation, are available. For additional information, go to http://www.creatorspublishing.com. For Annie Lane, send inquiries to [email protected].

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