Dear Annie: How do I heal from loving a manipulative addict?

To Annie, please:

Alex and I have been dating for a year, but he has been seeing two or three other women at the same time. Despite this and the fact that we are 15 years apart in age, we normally get along well and have a lot in common.

But lately, I’ve learned some very alarming facts about him. Alex’s actions reveal that he is an addict; he cheats, lies, steals, and refuses to tell the truth when pressed. Despite my best efforts, I have been negatively impacted by this instability. Even though I know it’s unhealthy, I’ve occasionally resorted to small-scale acts of retaliation in a tit-for-tat dynamic. To be honest, I’ve gotten to the point where I don’t give a damn anymore.

Here’s my problem: Even though I know rationally that I should leave him, I’m having trouble letting go of the emotional connection I have with him. It’s difficult to reconcile my long-standing affection for him with the apathy and disillusionment I currently feel. How can I get around this? Can I separate love from attachment in a way that will help me get better and move on?

Your advice on how to get past this and regain my sense of self would be greatly appreciated. Getting Rid of an Addict

Dear Leaving:

I appreciate you sharing your tale. You’ve obviously been through a lot and have many understandable upset feelings.

It’s critical to understand that love should not leave you feeling exhausted or numb, but rather should uplift and nourish you. Even while attachment could feel like love, you might be stuck in this relationship because of the patterns of reliance.

Keep in mind that letting go is about creating room for the love and tranquility you deserve, not about giving up.

Consider attending an Al-Anon group in your area. Numerous folks whose loved ones are struggling with addiction have benefited from their assistance.

How Can My Partner Who Cheated Be Forgiven? is currently available! Both print and e-book versions of Annie Lane’s second anthology, which includes her favorite pieces on marriage, adultery, communication, and reconciliation, are available. For additional information, go to http://www.creatorspublishing.com. For Annie Lane, send inquiries to [email protected].

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