Dear Annie: I loved being a father to her kids, but I made mistakes

To Annie, please:

My fiancé and I have been together for fifteen years. She was in a prior relationship and has two children.

Her daughter had just turned seven and her son was six when I entered their life. After the divorce, their father ceased all contact with her children, so I almost instantly took on the role of a father figure to them.

I was 23 years old and had never been a father before, but I liked spending time with them. I was not always a decent person since I made a lot of mistakes and became dependent on opiates.

The father of the children eventually returned to his son’s life, but he claimed he had no interest in my wife’s daughter because he wasn’t her biological father. Being her parent made me very happy. I frequently considered being her father, if she had any, and escorting her down the aisle.

Our friendship soured as she grew older. She acquired new personality traits, and I battled addiction and frequently failed to make her feel good about herself. At the time, I believed I was acting appropriately.

She moved out and gave birth to a wonderful little boy, and I eventually sobered up. Making apologies with those I have harmed is a part of my healing process. Her son is completely enamored with me and refers to me as Grandpa, and I love her more than words can express. I’ve apologized to her numerous times, acknowledged my mistakes, and expressed my pride in her life’s accomplishments. Being a grandfather to that young guy and having a relationship with her are my top priorities. But she’s built a very strong barricade.

Do I have to accept that I will have to let her leave, or is there anything else I can do? Please assist. In Illinois, torn apart

To Torn Apart, dear:

Your stepdaughter most likely anticipates that, like her biological father did many years ago, you will disappoint her once more or leave her completely.

The results speak for themselves. Let your apology be evident in your actions rather than repeating your words of regret for your errors. Hang tough and plant your feet. Prove to her that you have changed and that this time you are staying put.

Be patient; it may take some time for her to warm up. Being present for our children is one of the most crucial things we can do as parents. She will recognize the kind and caring father she has always had standing on the other side when her wall finally comes down.

How Can My Partner Who Cheated Be Forgiven? is currently available! Both print and e-book versions of Annie Lane’s second anthology, which includes her favorite pieces on marriage, adultery, communication, and reconciliation, are available. For additional information, go to http://www.creatorspublishing.com. For Annie Lane, send inquiries to [email protected].

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