Dear Annie: I may have given up passion for security. How can I have both?

To Annie, please:

I’m Jess, and I’ve always taken great satisfaction in being the reliable one. I work well as a marketing manager, have a great husband named Fred, and have a steady, predictable existence. Everything appears to be ideal on paper. However, I’ve been plagued by a persistent, nagging feeling that something is missing lately.

My parents had financial difficulties when I was growing up, so I was taught to prioritize security over all else. I decided against going after my dream of being a travel writer in favor of a more practical employment. Instead of relocating to a big city like New York or living overseas, I purchased a smart condo. I question whether I’ve chosen comfort over excitement, even in my relationship with Fred, who is kind, trustworthy, and everything I could ever want.

At 34, I’m now reflecting on my life and wondering if I’ve created a life that I genuinely love or one that just seems secure. Whether it’s taking a sabbatical to backpack across Europe, taking an improv class, or finally publishing that travel blog, I’ve been dreaming of taking chances. But I freeze every time I think about it. What if I destroy the stability I’ve put so much effort into creating? What happens if I let those who depend on me down?

How can I strike a balance between this strong want to attempt something daring and novel and the life I’ve meticulously built? Can I pursue adventure without ruining everything I’ve worked so hard to achieve? The Constant Dreamer, Jess

Dear Steady Dreamer Jess:

I advise you to take a chance! When we have already encountered trauma, freezing up is a common reaction. Your body is responding as if you were still in danger, but you are not. Actually, not pursuing the life you genuinely want to live is the actual risk.

Take small measures at first. Take a lesson on a subject you’re interested in, or write a few articles for a travel blog. The reluctance patterns will start to fade as soon as you start taking action toward your objectives.

Additionally, I suggest looking into somatic therapy, which is a great tool for treating freeze, fight, or flight reactions. You can process and let go of some of the traumas that could be preventing you from moving on with the assistance of a qualified somatic therapist.

Now that you’ve established a strong foundation, it’s time to create the life you’ve always imagined!