Dear Annie: My husband’s holiday cheer is draining me

To Annie, please:

The holidays always make me feel bad. Every year, my husband and I end up going to three Christmas gatherings and at least two Thanksgivings. Even though I like our families, I have a rather low social energy, so attending so many parties in a short amount of time often leaves me feeling exhausted and, to be honest, a little depressed.

In contrast, my spouse excels in social settings. He is typically the last person to want to go and enjoys being at every event from the very beginning. Tension results from this personality difference. When I ask to go early, I usually feel selfish since I’m tired both physically and mentally, and he always looks sad when we have to cut his enjoyment short.

Unfortunately, it is not possible to drive separately and leave at various times for several of these activities because they are far distant.

How do I let my spouse have the time of his life and also maintain my sanity over the holidays? I’m looking for a balance that benefits us both. Insufficient Social Energy

To the Low Social Battery:

It sounds like your hubby is more of an extrovert and you are an introvert. The first step in figuring out how to spend the holidays together is acknowledging this difference.

Consider taking brief breaks for yourself at Thanksgiving and Christmas gatherings. Take a little break to refuel in a peaceful area. This may be going for a little stroll, finding a more peaceful place to sit, or simply allowing yourself to assist with a chore that gives you some alone time.

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Setting reasonable expectations in advance with your spouse may also be beneficial. Discuss openly how the parties make you unhappy, then collaborate to come up with a solution that meets your requirements and yours. Decide on a departure time, for instance, or think about switching between staying the entire time at one event and departing early at another.

Maybe you could arrange for him to stay involved till the very end while you take a back seat and read, rest, or do something else relaxing in another room until he’s ready to leave, if driving separately isn’t a possibility.

In the end, compromise is essential. You may both enjoy the holidays without feeling overburdened or let down if you plan beforehand and communicate.

How Can My Partner Who Cheated Be Forgiven? is currently available! Both print and e-book versions of Annie Lane’s second anthology, which includes her favorite pieces on marriage, adultery, communication, and reconciliation, are available. For additional information, go to http://www.creatorspublishing.com. For Annie Lane, send inquiries to [email protected].

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