Dear Annie: My sister plays the victim while stabbing me in the back

To Annie, please:

Without understanding my side of the story, my brother frequently calls to accuse me of being the cause of our tense relationship with our sister. I avoid her for my own mental health, but I still send her birthday cards, Christmas presents, and other greetings, which she never returns.

My sister appears to be an expert in her field as a school counselor. She has betrayed me over the years, including once having a relationship with my boyfriend, accessing my bank account, and stealing things from my house. My brother is unaware of these betrayals.

In spite of everything, she has mastered the innocent victim part, and my brother is totally engrossed in it. Because of their strong relationship, he can easily blame me for the rift.

We’re all elderly now, and I find his incessant blaming to be a major source of stress. What should I do about this? Sister Left Out by Choice

To My Sister Who Was Left Out:

Maybe it’s time to talk to your brother honestly and establish some ground rules. Set limits on what he can discuss with you and let him know that you won’t put up with him talking to you in that manner. In order to maintain harmony with your brother, you should agree not to bring up your sister in any interactions with him. This is because your relationship with your sister is distinct from your relationship with him.

You can choose whether or not to inform your brother about the betrayals. But consider whether you’ve ever talked to your sister since she caused you pain. Would you be willing to accept her apology if she ever offered one? All of these should be taken into account while determining your next course of action. I wish you luck.

How Can My Partner Who Cheated Be Forgiven? is currently available! Both print and e-book versions of Annie Lane’s second anthology, which includes her favorite pieces on marriage, adultery, communication, and reconciliation, are available. For additional information, go to http://www.creatorspublishing.com. For Annie Lane, send inquiries to [email protected].

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