Dear Annie: No more gifts if a grandchild has no manners

This week, Annie Lane is off. The first edition of the following column appeared in 2022.)

To Annie, please:

A few years ago, I was the one who wrote to you about giving nonresponders a box of thank-you notes and Forever Stamps as presents. It didn’t do too well. I gave the issue some more thinking this year and made the decision to be direct—at least with my own five grandchildren, who are between the ages of eleven and twenty-five.

I concluded that I shouldn’t expect people to read my mind if I didn’t tell them. I made it clear to them what I expected from them moving ahead. If I give you a gift in person, I say it’s enough if you open it in front of me and say “thank you.” If I ship you a present, I anticipate hearing back promptly to let you know it came and was appreciated.

I clarified that I would require a phone call or email to confirm that the present had arrived and wasn’t stolen by a porch pirate because I don’t text. I informed them that going forward, I would be keeping two lists: one for gifts and one for cards only. They will be moved to the cards-only list if they don’t get back to me right away.

One of them hasn’t arrived yet to pick up his gift; another opened it in front of me; a third contacted me from out of town and we had a pleasant conversation; and a fourth opened it in front of me but called me anyway, saying, “Granny, I just wanted to make sure I stay on the gift list.”

When the 11-year-old’s birthday arrives later in January, I will honor my promise because I haven’t heard from him yet. I may give him another chance later, but not this year.

This seems to be going to work! Getting Right to the Point

To put it bluntly:

I adore this strategy. People aren’t mind readers, you’re right, and setting clear expectations will help avoid a lot of annoyances before they become major issues.

How Can My Cheating Partner Be Forgiven? is Annie Lane’s second anthology. Available in paperback and e-book formats, it includes popular essays about marriage, adultery, communication, and reconciliation. For additional information, go to http://www.creatorspublishing.com. For Annie Lane, send inquiries to [email protected].

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