Dear Annie: Their comments on my health issues are out of line

To Annie, please:

For more than ten years, I have battled a number of chronic health conditions that frequently leave me feeling worn out, in pain, or having memory problems. However, I frequently get laughed off or dismissed if I bring issues up because I’m in my early 20s.

Fortunately, it doesn’t originate from my close friends, family, or coworkers. They are all kind individuals who are somewhat aware of my health issues and recognize that when I say I’m having a bad day, it’s not a complaint. I’m just being straightforward and frequently controlling expectations on my potential capabilities for the day. And I don’t go about telling everyone that I’m the most exhausted! Nobody has ever experienced pain like I have! It’s the conversations I have with strangers or individuals I don’t know well, who regularly overhear and butt in with remarks like, “Oh, you’re absolutely too young to x/y/z!” Simply wait until you…

I am so enraged by it that I am furious. I have scolded others for not soliciting their opinions and for not interrupting discussions to which they were not invited. I’ve gone into so much detail about what I deal with that they’re embarrassed and making apologetic excuses. I’ve had arguments with some who believe that, at my age, the things I still deal with are insufficient to make me exhausted, in pain, or forgetful.

Instead than assessing whether or not someone can truly claim to be having a hard day, why can’t they just say, “Yeah, today’s a bit rough,” and have everyone around them sympathize? What should I say to those who dismiss me with the remark, “Oh, you’re too young to be tired?” You’ll be exhausted when you have children. Or the strangers who overhear me saying that I’m having a bad day and choose to offer their opinions or really attempt to reprimand me for being overly dramatic? I don’t need somebody to try to solve my problems or feel sorry for me. All I want is the ability to express how I’m feeling that day without having to explain my response or reveal my medical history.

I’ve reached the point where I automatically tell everyone I’m close to that I’m doing fantastic! when we are around strangers or out in public. I don’t believe I should have to tell lies, especially to those I love. What do you think I should say in response to those who claim that I’m too young? Not Too Young

Greetings, Not Too Young:

It is not your obligation to follow other people’s preconceived ideas about how you ought to feel. Ignorance and a lack of comprehension are the root causes of remarks such as “You’re too young to have health problems.”

Nevertheless, it’s important to consider the goals you have for disclosing your health issues. The only people who truly care about your personal health are you, your physicians, and your closest friends and family. Spreading the word about it can elicit a variety of reactions, many of which might not be encouraging or helpful.

I’m really sorry to learn about your health issues and the suffering they’re causing you. You are deserving of sympathy from others and, above all, from yourself at any age.

Keep in mind that sometimes the best answer is nothing at all. Prioritize your health and safeguard your vitality.

How Can My Partner Who Cheated Be Forgiven? is currently available! Both print and e-book versions of Annie Lane’s second anthology, which includes her favorite pieces on marriage, adultery, communication, and reconciliation, are available. For additional information, go to http://www.creatorspublishing.com. For Annie Lane, send inquiries to [email protected].

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