Thoughts on how to rage, forgive and push away suffering in the later years

It was strange to turn 75.

I have more behind me than ahead of me as I enter the last quarter.

Going downstairs, bending my legs in a specific way, lifting items, and putting them back down all need extreme caution on my part. When I put on my helmet and/or spectacles, I have to adjust my hearing aids, and when I leave the house, I have to fully pull up my compression socks. I always have identification with me, and I even have a Catholic identity card. Notify a priest in the event of an accident, using the cards in my wallet.

I am not sure which is happening, but my physical body is either slowing down or decaying. I was already taking care of an unexplained tingle in my left shoulder when I unexpectedly started having issues with my right heel, which might have been caused by my accident from the previous year. I was congested most of the time because I had to stop using Flonase for five days prior to my new allergist’s appointment. My digestion was undoubtedly hampered by the abundance of holiday meals, and my sleep patterns became quite irregular.

I’m crying in my beer, I know it. I should just be content and thankful that I’m still here. My friends Anne, Paul, Buzzie, Steve, and Guy (in 2025) are not, and they are sorely missed and remembered. This year, I attended a lot more wakes, funerals, and memorial services than weddings (to use the title of the movie, there were four services and one wedding, and the wedding was excellent). My grandma was correct.

What have I discovered thus far? I was halted in my tracks when my wonderful friend Michelle Anglisano, with whom I taught middle school, offered some Buddhist wisdom around Christmas time:

You discover that while there is a chance to suffer right now, there is also a chance to avoid suffering.

Now, how may I use that in my own life? The basic idea is to accept whatever happens because trying to ignore the suffering causes a lot of it. In a conversation with Anderson Cooper, who had recently lost his mother and was in mourning, Stephen Colbert stated that suffering is a necessary part of life and that to survive is a gift.

Do I mean that we should just accept our fate, shrug our shoulders, and wait for our train to arrive so we can make that final trip? No. One of my favorite quotes has always been “rage, rage against the dying of the light.” And although though I no longer fear death and believe it to be a vital turning point in our soul’s journey, I am wondering how and in what form we should be angry.

During the holidays, I was furious with someone who was very important to me. I was going to inform them that they had carelessly and quite inadvertently wounded my sentiments. I then came to the realization that, if only in my own imagination, I might be able to take some action to make the slight go away. My sentiments had been wounded. Why bring my friend back into the conflict and make another disturbance when they were completely ignorant of this? I resolved the issue in my mind, and that was it. In order to gently explain why I was wounded the next time, I also learnt to advocate for myself.

We all flunk the test at some point, biff it, stub our toe, lose the ball, or have a whoopsie moment. This incident served as a reminder to me once more that we are all human. Our language has a lot of terms for it because of this.

December 29 was the year’s last Sunday. That day’s gospel reading struck a deep chord with me. Part of what it said was:

If one has a grievance against another, put on genuine compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, patience, and the ability to bear with and forgive one another. You must forgive them as the Lord has forgiven you.

Since we acknowledge that making mistakes is human, forgiving one another is divine, and since forgiveness is a component of our divinity, I see this as a call to simple humanity to forgive one another.

Jimmy Carter died at the age of 100. He was a prime example of a real human being, regardless of your opinion of him as president (he only held office for one term and was overthrown by the Iran hostage crisis, just like Biden was criticized for failing to return the hostages held by Hamas). He was a man of genuine principles, morals, and ideals, and I think he was one of the greatest presidents we have ever had. Do you recall the abuse he received for admitting that he harbored romantic feelings for other women? That seems so innocent now, and nobody could have ever questioned his love for his wife, Rosalynn.

He founded Habitat For Humanity, an organization that genuinely addresses homelessness in the US, following his brief term as president. His reputation as a man of his word led to his being invited to mediate dozens of political disagreements. He will be missed, and he is a wonderful example of what it is to be fully human.

That’s the degree of humanity I strive for. Even if I were to count that high, I doubt I could forgive seven times seven times seven. Because of all the recent construction, I get upset when I have to park near the top of the hill. I’m working on it, though. I’m trying to forgive myself and others because I’m human and will continue to make mistakes as long as I’m human. Expressing regret and requesting forgiveness never hurts, regardless of whether it was deliberate or not.

I hope this new year brings you all the best. I am reminded that even a small light can guide the path in dark times, even though things can appear hopeless at times.

Light up! Cheers to the new year.

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